And Her Name Was Ambian

And here's another middle-of-the-night blog posted while I'm on Ambian. Apparently, this is going to be the trend for me...at least for now.

I'm waiting for a bit to advertise my blog. Mostly, I want to to make sure I'm going to stick with it. But also? I'm in a depressive state right now, and I don't truthfully know how this blog will look to me when I level back out. I may decide I never want anyone to see it. This is one if the many problems with being bipolar.

Two weeks ago, I had somewhat of a manic episode. I say "somewhat" because I'm not sure it was necessarily induced by an internal imbalance, but more of an imbalance that I created artificially and now have to bounce back from. My best friend was in town...my first choice of drinking buddies before she moved out of state. So logically, we squeezed the partying into the brief time she was here. I don't even know how much I drank. There were half a dozen of us simply passing bottles of various liquors around a garage, drinking straight from them. There was pot going around (as an aside, I was informed that calling it "pot" is passe. Wtf do I know? I've done it all of two times in my life). My husband was less than thrilled when I called and woke him up at 4:30 in the morning for a ride home.

Likewise, I was less than thrilled when a friend from another circle started texting me at 9am for a stuffed mushroom recipe for a friend's party that night. "And oh, of course you're  invited! Why do we keep forgetting to invite you to parties until the last minute??" To be fair, it wasn't actually at 9am, though until I actually checked at this very moment, I genuinely thought it was. Apparently it was 10:30, and it was 45 minutes before I even saw it and replied...a response, I should add, was essentially "here's a Pinterest link. I can't swear it's the one I used in my current condition, nor can I make any promises about partying tonight. I have to make sure I'm not dead from last night's adventures in VodkaSinfireSchnapps Land." But I rallied. I went to the party, schmoozed, socialized, and made new friends. I also refused to drink because my body simply wasn't going to tolerate it again quite that soon.

So, over the weekend I drank a lot, got high, and partied with different groups two nights in a row.  It's a lot for my brain to process, and it didn't do a great job of it. Socializing is a weird thing for me. I'm good at it when I choose to do it, but I'm generally introverted. And socializing has an odd chemical effect on me. It's almost like getting drunk. It makes my brain race when I do too much of it. The combination of all of it in rapid succession did a number on my mind. Then as everything quieted back down throughout the week, my levels plummeted back down from the top of the rollercoaster.

And that leaves me here, blogging on Ambian in the middle of the night while my brain feels foggy.